you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
