Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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