My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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