Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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