Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We're too hungover to prance.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
