I need help removing her.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
