Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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