Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
