The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
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We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
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I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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