do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
handjob tips. give me some.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
