i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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