thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
