lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
