Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
