Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
