I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
