JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
