I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
