I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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