There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
