I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
