he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We don't watch enough power rangers
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
