I like to think it a success when the cops are called
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The power of my boobs compel you
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
