I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
