Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My vagina just recognized that song.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
