The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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