I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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