i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
