Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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