Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
