I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
