i need an iv and a liver transplant
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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