its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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