if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
