He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
