I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
