My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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