Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize