It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i wish my penis had a tongue
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
