Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
