Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
