I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
