the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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