you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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