Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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