I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
