Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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