At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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