When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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