i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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