I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
