yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
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You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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