i jhust puked up my retainher.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
