God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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