fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
