Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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