Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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