As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
