her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
