haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
