A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
