Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
