Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
