i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
