i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize