yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
