As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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