apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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