Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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