This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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