just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
