I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
